jennifer

April 23, 2010 at 1:16 am

Mommy Guilt

I have a bad habit that I’m trying to break. It’s not something flashy or big, not smoking or drinking or even uncontrollable shopping. In fact, it is the exact opposite of that last one. I have mommy guilt whenever I buy anything for myself.

The girl who in college had too many clothes to fit in her closet and boxes upon boxes of shoes, well she disappeared about a decade ago. It happened kind of gradually at first. I don’t really think I even noticed.

All those little baby clothes and impossibly tiny socks were begging to be purchased. And there was only so much money to go around. My post-pregnancy body wasn’t inspiring me to buy new garments either. I’d rather not concentrate on entering the double digits in pants size and instead skipped the entire women’s section of the Gap heading directly through that arch into the Baby Gap without a second glance behind.

Then there were more boyz. Bigger boyz. Boyz who needed this seasons sporting equipment in a bigger size. Boyz who liked more sporty clothes than the preppy tendencies of an older brother. Boyz who were bigger than there predecessors and therefore wear the same size as their brother two years older. It all began to run together.

Lest we not forget that Daddy D did not get lost in this maze of parenthood buying woes. No, he has always needed this item or that for work, for firefighting, for the men’s softball league at church. I think for these items I rationalized that he was leaving the homestead and needed to look spiffy out in the world.

Before I knew it my closet was looking mighty bare. Not that I really noticed all that much. Being a stay at home mom for a decade now I realized that I live in yoga pants and shirts. Long sleeve tees for the winter, short sleeves for the rest of the year. And you know what? If there aren’t any clean ones in my drawer I am known to steal a tshirt and a pair of sweats from Daddy D’s drawer. Probably more often than I’d like to admit.

You would think that this would be easily remedied. A trip to the mall and some time concentrating on just stuff for me. But despite my best efforts, it doesn’t seem to work out quite that way.

There was a trip to the outlets a few weeks back. Those pesky signs in the window beckoned me. Bags full of summer tees for the boyz at incredibly low prices later, I came home with a single sweatshirt.

Last weekend my best friend needed a trip to the mall for a pair of new sneakers. I volunteered to take her, as she is not keen on making the forty-five minute trek there solo. Off we went. We found her a pair of sneakers in Finish Line. And although painfully so, we ventured on to another store to find a pair for myself.

I came home with a pair of New Balance sneakers. I got them on clearance for $50. I spent days hemming and hawing about whether I should have spent the money. Part of me is still wishy washy. But then I started reconciling the facts, first being that this was the first pair of sneakers that I have bought for myself since the birth of Gabriel. Yep, Desrochers Boy #2. Six years ago last month.

I’ve come away thinking that I need to make myself more of a priority in the family shopping. And I need to get over my mommy guilt. If I don’t I am blessed with a lovely bunch of girlfriends to cheer me on. One of which, who upon hearing of my issues over buying my new kicks did the math, and sent me an email message that said “And you deserve new sneakers. Not to mention they cost you <$.03 a day!". Never underestimate the power of a few good friends to set you straight!

3 Comments

  1. Good for you. I have a hard time with it too, and I usually refuse to get anything not on sale and I stay out of everything but the discount stores. On the other hand, I still have some classics from my “pre-family” days that still fit, like Anne Taylor and Armani. I can't give THOSE babies up! 😉

  2. YES – buy the sneakers and DON't feel guilty about it, girl!! Your feet deserve them – I am positive of that 😀

  3. OMG!!! I have the same problem.. My kids look like a million dollars and I look like the bag lady on the corner.. i am proud of you!!!!!!!

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