Today was Eli’s first day of Kindergarten. Somehow, some way my baby turned five. Today the bus came and off he went. But not before kissing his momma goodbye.
This day has been a long time coming. Fourteen years in the making. Right? A really long time. But that has been the number of years that I have been caring for a little one all of the time. I went on bed rest while I was pregnant with Seth in the fall of 1999.
I was tearier today than I had been with any of his predecessors. Partly because he is my baby, and everything he does is the last. The END, as Eli Noel Desrochers was aptly named. But more so because today marks the end of an era.
They no longer need me like they once did. I have fed them. I have changed their diapers and potty trained four sons. I have dealt with the terrible twos and the tantrums that have ensued. I have laid with them and drifted off into slumber beside them in an attempt to calm them into napping. Nothing will ever beat waking up in late afternoon sunlight filtering through the windows and into your eyes after an unintentional hours long nap with your precious little one snoring softly in your arms.
But as of today, those days are done. I am the mother of school age children who step on the bus in the early morning hours only to reemerge from the monstrous yellow vehicle eight hours later. A full work day put in by my young men. They learn. They make friendships. They eat. They grow. All without me now.
I know that this too will end. Before I know it five more years will have passed and my eighth grader will be heading off to college and dorm rooms and life. Tis the nature of motherhood. There will always be another stage that they move towards.
So now I look inside myself. The dreams I have for me that for fourteen years have been pushed behind my full time motherhood. What is it that I want? To do? To try? To be?
Fourteen years have come and gone in an instant. I don’t want that to keep happening and to look back and wonder how or why or what if?